That's Not Quite Right

Po-Po Will Be Called

2010-02-04T11:17:00.002-06:00

Imagine all the people
It's easy if you try
Just trying to chill out
They can no longer get high

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Though, it is impressive how they spelled "loitering" correctly, don't you think Jeremey W.?

Come One, Come All - Get Your Shabby Babby Clothes Here!

2010-01-21T16:14:00.004-06:00

Remember earlier? You know, when we discussed how love is blind and illiterate (see, http://thatsnotquiteright.blogspot.com/2009/09/because-love-is-blind-and-apparently.html )?

Perhaps we should discuss some sort of test that must be passed PRIOR to conception? I'm just saying.

Spit the Communion Wafers Out...

2010-01-21T16:08:00.002-06:00

All I'm saying is: How about you spit the communion wafers out BEFORE you dictate to your secretary this week's marque message? Hmmmm?

MMmmmmm, That Looks...Errr...Delicious???

2010-01-15T18:32:00.003-06:00

Which on of these tasty treats is not like the other ones? Not like the other ones...Not like the other ones?

Yes, I would like the Elephant Poop Cupcake Please!

Buyer Beware

2009-12-30T15:22:00.003-06:00

When I saw this, I wondered...Did the Chinese make this? And if so, do they think all Americans sound like Thugs? Plausible.

Then I thought: If the makers of the the fireworks don't know what it does, they shouldn't expect me to buy such an explosive for $30.00. I'm just saying.

Last Minute Gift Idea

2009-12-22T15:39:00.003-06:00

Its December 22, 2009 and Wanda realizes: "Oh....my.....God! I forgot to get cousin Louie a gift! Oh &*$#!" She grabs the poor Walmart Greater, shaking him violently, her eyes are crazed and her hair mangled, a bit of spittle drops from her chin: "There is no time..do you hear me....NO TIME!!!! Louie already has everything, what do I get him!!??"

The kind Walmart Greater, who now has two herniated discs from the thrashing he just took, looks at Wanda and says, "What to get the person who has everything...hmmmm...well, how about the most green, patriotic gift around!!!?"

Patriotic? Check

Biodegradable? Check

Make oxygen? SOLD!

Somehow, Chi Chi Chialiberty doesn't have the same ring to it. Don't you agree Katie H.?

MERRY CHRITMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD KNIGHT

2009-12-18T07:58:00.002-06:00

...Ring, Ring....
...Ring, Ring...

Church Secretary: "Good morning, Bethel United Methodist Church, how may we serve you this glorious day?"

Potential Church Member: "Um yeah, I saw your sign and was interested in attending your holiday worship. The problem is, the date is not clear. Can you tell me when Chritmas Eve is, please?"

Church Secretary: "New to the faith, huh? Well its December 24th."

Potential Church Member: "No, no, no, not Christmas, ChriTmas"

Church Secretary: "I’m sorry, did you just say ‘ChriTmas?’"

Potential Church Member: "Yes, Yes I did. Your sign says come worship on ChriTmas Eve, and I am not familiar with that holiday..."

I dunno J.H., I'm with you seems like a Church should now how to spell their Big Boss’ name. LOL

LOLL.....

2009-09-27T10:00:00.002-05:00

So I go to my favorite search engine this morning, to look up the hours for a bookstore here in town. I get to the page...and this is what I see:

Ummm, Google? Are you employing drunk people?

[addendum 10:30a: Hahaha. Just found out why, by clicking on it - those clever folks - its Google's 11th birthday!]

Sea Tart?

2009-09-24T18:47:00.004-05:00

For as long as I live, I will never understand the personalized license plate.

See Exhibit A:

Now, according to the dictionary, Tart is defines as follows:

1. sharp to the taste; sour or acid
2. a small pie filled with cooked fruit or other sweetened preparation, usually having no top crust.
3. a prostitute or promiscuous woman

Hmmmm. I wonder.....

Even the Duke Boys Wouldn't Take This Route

2009-09-22T18:34:00.004-05:00

I've heard of uneven pavement, but this is ridiculous.

Maybe the boys at the Department of Transportation should lay off the sauce in the mornings? Hmmm?

What the Effff?!?

2009-09-22T18:05:00.012-05:00

So, I'm a huge fan of Cake Wrecks (there is a link on this page). But, I can't very well just give my photos to Jen, and not make fun of them myself, first!

First, we have, well, I'm not sure really.

What else says Happy Birthday, or Way to Go, or Get Well Soon, like a CCC (Cupcake Cake) made to look like a green poop frog. "Get well soon Erma, hope your warts heal soon."

Then, I saw this:

The Sponge Bob Cake for Porn Stars

It has to be, right? I mean, he's clearly lying on a fancy lambskin rug, and his legs are..errr...ready for business and in the air (literally not touching the cake). Am I wrong?

Because Love is Blind, and Apparently Illiterate...

2009-09-22T17:44:00.004-05:00

....and Hopefully Sterile.

"Marread" Really? COME ON!!!!

Merry Me. Sigh. Now, given that this certain proposal occurred during the Christmas season, I could almost, ALMOST let this one go as a play on words. Unfortunately, I know the person who wrote this, and and I have read his postings on FB, and he's just not that clever. Creepy yes. Clever, no.

(note: the person who accepted this proposal, has since seen the light, and dumped this guy)

Hey Y'all! Hugh Havin' a Yard Sale!

2009-09-22T17:38:00.004-05:00

No Commentary Necessary. Do you agree Theresa G?

Killing [My] Love [of Everything] Slowly

2009-08-30T11:48:00.021-05:00

Thanks to "designer" Christian Audigier, Douche Bags around the world have adopted their new uniform. Said uniform consists of an Ed Hardy shirt and white sunglasses. Spiky hair/faux hawk and spray tan is optional, but definitelyare an added bonus.

And, why not pair your shirt with shoes and a backpack to let people know how douchey you really are?

But WAIT!!! There is so much more you can do to pay hommage, raise your level of douche-baggery, and perhaps even become the KING of all the Douchers!!! Yep, thaaaaaat's right...housewares, Douchers!!

There's Shot Glasses & Wine Glasses

& Candles, and....

Rhinestones, OH MY!!!!

I'll Take a Cup of Oxymoron, Please

2009-08-30T11:37:00.003-05:00

Please correct me if I am wrong, but aren't these two characters usuallly bright and somewhat obnoxious?

Now, perhaps if they said Silent Movie Star, or 1950's TV Star, I could undersand this.

Thanks Department of Tran$portation!

2009-08-30T11:28:00.004-05:00

Dear Department of Transportation:

Thank you for protecting me from my own stupidity. I am so happy that you are using my tax dollars wisely. If you had not used the chain link fence, the concrete barriers, the barrels, caution tape, blinking lights, and glowing signage, I would have certainly crashed into the gigantic mound of dirt and backhoe.

Dodged a bullet there!

Thanks for Your Assistance!

2009-08-30T11:22:00.002-05:00

Whether its to provide assistance to your business invitees, or to avoid a lawsuit from those pesky lawyers, I love when stores are willing to assist me when I want something from the top shelf. But this place is a little too willing, don't you think Katie H.?

Whew! I Would Have Never Known!

2009-08-20T14:26:00.003-05:00

I bought this Frigidaire to freeze my golf balls, hammers, and plates. Then I saw it. Plain as day.

Crap. Now what am I supposed to do?

Well, Which Is It?

2009-08-20T14:12:00.003-05:00

I'm gonna get a vanity tag because....

A. I love my blanket soooo much, and must let the world know;

B. I love the people/I am a person from Afghanistan, and must let the world know; or

C. I love the breed of dog, and must let the world know.

It was a shame that there were no other identifiers in or on this vehicle to lead me in the right direction. Guess we'll never know.

Go Pensacola!

2009-08-07T17:05:00.007-05:00

Ahhh, Pensacola. We are usually in the news media for negative things: hurricane destruction, bombings, bizarre murders, 10 year old drunk drivers, and Jude Law's newest love-child (he has 3 already!).

It's time for a new image! Oh! Oh! Oh! What is this? Oh, this is PERFECTION!!! I mean it says everything without a word!

Go Pensacola! Home of folks who strangely hold their utensils, the AMDA (Arthritic Martini Drinkers of America), and Ozzy Osborne fans.

Yep. That'll do it!

Towel-agami

2009-08-01T10:30:00.006-05:00

If you've ever been on a cruise, you have come back to your cabin, after a long day of fun in the sun, to be greeted by a sweet little towel creature, on your bed. Here are some great examples.

Awww. A stingray! Cute!!!

Oooo, and puppy! Awwwww.

Neato! A lobster!!!

Now Imagine, if you will, coming into that same cabin, tired from the sun and perhaps one or four too many margaritas, and spying this little guy on your bed:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WHAT THE EFF!!!!

Hey Katie H! Is this scarier than a Sock Monkey (Yep! She's afraid of Sock Monkeys)

Vehicular Identification - What's Your Tallent?

2009-08-01T10:10:00.005-05:00

Back in the olden times, the days or yore, if you will, last names came from your trade. For example, Smiths of the world were blacksmiths, shoe-smiths, etc.

Wouldn't it be great, if we could somehow, in this day and age, know what people do?

This guy is a step ahead, and has already proudly displayed his...er.....tallent?

Belch: –verb (used without object)
to eject gas spasmodically and noisily from the stomach through the mouth; eruct.

Fry Chicken, Oh and Some Shrimp.Oyster, Please

2009-08-01T09:52:00.004-05:00

Now, I am all for immigration. My own mother was a "Green Card" carrier. BUT, if you are going to live here, let's try to master the language...or at least hire someone to do it for you.

Oh, and nothing says DELICIOUS like gas station cuisine.

(click the pic for a closer look)

I wonder...What is the difference between Fry Chicken and Crispy Chicken?

Daaaaaahling, its Sewannee Casual, Of Course!

2009-08-01T09:30:00.006-05:00

This is the most excellent piece of literature I have seen in quite some times. It comes straight from the "Welcome Package" of a college in Tennessee.

Hi. 1985 called, it wants it's.....everything back!

(Click the pick for a larger view)

Oooooo, Doggie! Just don't get caught wearing loafers without tassels, those are so last year.

WHAT THE WHAT?!?!?!

2009-07-29T07:30:00.000-05:00

(warning: for one bumper sticker, I have lots to say!)

OH YUCK! I just love when non-imaginative people need to poach off of other campaigns. This one is ripped off from Trojan brand condoms, of course.

What I find most disturbing about this, is not the blatant theft of a great slogan, but that I can’t figure out it its about food or God?

I mean, why in the HELL would some one put a GIANT sticker on their vehicle advertising a restaurant that sells ribs? Sooooo, because I live in the Bible Belt, and because this lady carries a clue on her vehicle - and that would be the purple sticker that shows this driver works at a Catholic hospital (ID sticker pixelized for her PROTECTION - get it? protection? Cuz condoms are also called protection...oh, never mind. That was lame.), I have deduced that this sticker very well could be about God.

So, if it is about God, I have two things to say: #1. Everyone knows we ladies only got ONE rib from good ole Adam, so this is mathematically incorrect; and #2 When did it become okay to use a sexual innuendo to campaign for God?

Apple Bottom Jeans, Boots with the (What THE!!!)...Glitter?

2009-07-29T07:05:00.001-05:00

Dear Apple Bottom Jeans:

You should stick with jeans...ONLY.

Love, TNQR

I especially love the anti-theft device attached to these beauties. Its a good thing its there, because I was soooo tempted to snag these!

For the Lazy Mo-Fo in you!

2009-07-29T07:00:00.000-05:00

Here it is folks! The BOOKCHAIR!

Cuz, I can't be expected to hold a book AND read it!

That would take too much energy.

Oooo, and its portable too! Now I can carry my book with this handy BookChair since there was no way to carry my book before! Eureka!!!

Because I like to know what I'm getting into...

2009-07-17T08:01:00.005-05:00

I just hate not knowing where I'm going, and just adore signs that spell it out for me. Going down a street with a glorious name, only to end up in the dangerous part of town, is a total bummer.

Unlike Forrest Gump's shoes, some signs will tell you exactly where you are going...and where you have been. Airport Boulevard for instance, will take you to an airport; and Bayview Parkway, will most likely have a lovely view of the bay.

Below, is a street that tells it like it is.

Naming roads like this is quite

thoughtful, don't you think Katie H?

YES WE DID! ...OH NO YOU DI'N'T!!!!

2009-07-13T18:35:00.013-05:00

I submit that there is nothing, NOTHING that says "Historical Victory," like having your head on a commemorative plate!

(Incredible..well, that's one word for it.)

This has got to be high quality for sure. If you can't tell by the amazing low price, certainly, you can tell by fact it says so right on the box. And, of course, all "As Seen on TV" products are known for their excellence.

I think I'll get 8 and use it for my Fancy guests....I wonder if the have matching stemware....

Biscuit Holes...

2009-07-11T09:35:00.004-05:00

I often wonder if Hardee's, Quiznos and Burger King are in some sort of competition for the most disturbing commercials. While this one is not "disturbing" per se, it is of questionable taste; and I am QUITE surprised that the fanatics of the Gulf Coast have not complained about it (to death) to have it removed from our airwaves.

Below is a Hardee's Ad regarding its "Buscuit Holes." Quite frankly, this ad had me whooping hysterically when I saw it last night, for the first time. It's ingenious for sure, but also in bad taste. It had me saying "That's not quite right!," so of course, I decided to share it with you.

Enjoy!

Wonder where Mommy Dearest does her "laundry"

2009-07-10T08:36:00.006-05:00

This comes from Sanquinetta H, in Portland, OR. I think I want to move there based upon these photos she shared with us.

Yes, its a dryer. But look closer...

Well daaaang, that’s gonna add some time to my day. I have so little time as it is! How am I supposed to do laundry AND bathe my child. He’s not gonna have that Downy Fresh scent anymore either, and I know how my husband Bubba just adores that. Stupid laundromat rules. I’ll just take my business elsewhere, I guess. Wonder where Mommy Dearest does her "laundry"...

Camouflage = Classy

2009-07-10T08:00:00.010-05:00

Camouflage. (nodding head). (U of Ala)Bama Logo (still nodding head). Classy (continuing to nod head - I don't know what else to do at this point).

This fine accessory was the subject of Name that Caption Friday (7/10/09).

"Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes..."

Hahahaha. For those of you who aren't dorks (or old), like I am, this is a clever kickback to Indiana Jones - Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981). Thanks for playing Jeff H.!

Check back next Friday for a new chance to Name that Caption! (I expect more participants this time. You know who you are :P)

You Go That Way!

2009-07-10T07:52:00.003-05:00

Okay. Wow. Seems like the city planner

could have planned this a teeny bit better!

I mean, streets are re-named all the time!

No worries my friends, this must be a warning,
which is that there are no Episcopal Churches
down that way. Yeah. I think that MUST be what this is.
So thoughtful of Nashville, don’t you think Justin H?

The Great Subject Verb Agreement Debacle

2009-07-09T18:00:00.009-05:00

Now, I'm no genius by any stretch of the imagination. I misspell, I incorrectly use grammar. Yet, I do know the answer to The Great Subject Verb Agreement Debacle.

Lesson: When the subject is plural, the verb also has to be plural. However, here's the kicker: the plural verb takes away the "s" and "es." DOH!

Why do I put so much stress on correctness of grammar? Well, Maeve Maddox said it way better than I ever could: (http://www.dailywritingtips.com/why-bother-about-correctness/) "I think correctness in language matters because having standard forms maintains access to past literature and makes one’s own writing comprehensible to a larger number of English speakers than strictly idiosyncratic spelling and usage do. "

If I'd have said anything myself, it would have been really mean. Those who know me can attest to this. :) But, I'll try. Here it goes...I put importance on it, because if you are trying to sell me something, or if you are a role model, you shouldn't be stupid. Oops. Too mean? (Here’s hoping I don’t make any mistakes now).

So, without further ado:

Wells, Thanks Yous Verys Muches

Vroom Vroom

2009-07-09T07:59:00.007-05:00

Silly Rednecks, nothing says "Pull me over Occifer"
like paying homage to your favorite
choice of libation.

Camaro. Muscle Car. First introduced in 1967.
I’m pretty sure the makers of this fine vehicle
never intended it to be an...ugh...story board for
cartoons, such as Dora the Explorer. Even
Dora is embarrassed, as she can be seen
ducking into the car door! Or, perhaps the owner
had spent all the money on this fancy paint job
and could not afford to fix the fallen window?

Or, maybe...this car is owned by an 8 year old...

No. No. Now I'm just being silly.

Resevred Vehilces Parknig...

2009-07-08T13:52:00.003-05:00

Thsi Arae Resevred fro Vehilces Wiht Parknig Permtis (Thanks Jeremy W!)

Where's Maw, Paw?

2009-07-08T12:51:00.004-05:00

Uh Paw? Where's Maw?

(Saw this with my own eyes. NOTHING was tied down!!! Yeah. I was driving when I took this photo, which is not too smart...but dang! They are moving house...on top of their car!!!!)

It His Wife Space

2009-07-08T12:07:00.002-05:00

Donchu park thur. It not your space.

It his wife space.

Sorry for the Incontinence..

2009-07-08T11:43:00.006-05:00

GROSS!!!!

... Oh, wait. So you didn't just pee on the floor?

Oh, okay then. Perhaps you should forgo the

Depends Undergarments, and get a dictionary then?